September 23, 2005

The dangers of grass blades

1. Grass blades will cause malfunction in the confibulibular gland.

2. They eat the crumbs off your shirt.

3. Pie!

4. Qfualimferus Monfunstationistic Penguins!

4 1/2. More Pie!

5. Candy is eaten every 2.5 seconds by the king of the earthworms.

6. Sleepy Gus.

7. They will haunt you in your sleep.

8. Glass staing!

9. Don't wet the dog's newspaper!

10. Grass blades stain your cloths.

Funny animals!

My favorite! The Diabolical puppy!

The Genius Monkey!

Finally! Cats and dogs getting along!

I'm not sure what this is, but it's really messed up!

The Pope Squirrel!

World's fuzziest bunny!

More soon!

September 22, 2005

The theory of Spatulating Pendulums

This is a bit complicated, so try and keep up.

Sometimes when the pork is undercooked, it causes massive heart failure on the part of the chicken's bladder. However, this does not apply to Canadian Bacon. Once the pork fat is extracted, then frozen, then re-extracted, it can be fully functional as a paperweight.

What does this have to do with the theory of Spatulating Pendulums? Well, you need a spatula to flip the pork as it is being de fatted. This spatula is in a suspended state of motion and can only be revived by true love's kiss. The problem is the molecules de-moleculerize and melt into a state of unconsciousness. If, however, the spatula were to be thrown to the ground and stepped on, it would become composed and ready for work.

If you have a grandfather clock, it probably has a pendulum. When the pendulum becomes tired of everyday life, it will, one day, walk off into the Void of Eternity. While there, he will learn the meaning of life and how to achieve peace and solve world hunger. The problem is that he can never share is knowledge because once you enter the Void of Eternity, you're stuck for, well, eternity.

What do you do when your pendulum is missing? You replace it with a spatula. The spatula then ticks the time away and becomes the Space Time Master. The pendulum is angry at this and pulls the spatula into the Void of Eternity, where they are pulled together by a force called "The Unipelecular Force".

And so, the Pendulum is stuck in the Void of Eternity forever. Not only that, but now he must spatulate for all eternity. The theory states that in 236789, the Spatulating Pendulums will be released into the world as the eldest and wisest and will rule over the humans. They will solve world peace, hunger, teach us the meaning of life, and how to flip the pork just right.

Katamari PSP

Remember the DS version of Katamari Damacy? Well, it's now for the PSP. That's great for PSP owners (Sorry DS fans, maybe next time.)! Not much has been reviled, but expect all the same wackiness as in the PS2 versions. Screens and video here:

Animal Crossing: Wild World info!

Rather than spoil it for you, check out this magazine scan:

Even though it doesn't give any new details on Wi-Fi mode, it does provide some juicy details and new screens! I don't know how much longer I can wait for this game!

September 19, 2005

The Legend of Tangerine Pie

Long, long ago, there was a man named Susan. Now, Susan was a baker. He lived in the town of Rathelmale. Susan owned the local bakery, "Ye Old Bakery", which was famous for its delicious pies.

One day, Susan was baking a pie when a rather fat man walked up and demanded a box of 52 fruit filled pies. Susan argued that it was impossible to come up with 52 pies in five minutes, but the fat man kept on demanding them. Susan then ran to his friend Gretchen's house to get help. Susan only got her sister, Olga, who said Gretchen was on the top of Dead Mountain picking berries.

Susan quickly rushed up the mountain, but when he got there he found Gretchen kneeling down staring at a glowing light. She had found the Enchanted Tangerine.

The tangerine rose into the air and bellowed, "I am the mighty Enchanted Tangerine! Not only can I talk, but I am the most tasty tangerine in all the land! Why, if one were to slice me up and use me to fill 52 fruit filled pies, those would be the most delicious pies ever made! The man who bought those would be the luckiest man in all of Rathlemale!"

And so, Susan and Gretchen sliced up the tangerine (which for some reason was enough to fill 52 pies) and filled the pies which they gave to the fat man waiting at the bakery.

When the fat man got home, he tore open the box and gobbled down all the pies. Little did he know the Enchanted Tangerine was cursed. Any one who ate him would slowly turn into the tangerine once again. This made the tangerine very happy because the last creature who ate him was a squirrel and so he was squirrel sized. Now that he had taken over the fat man, he would be huge!

What seemed like an innocent act of baking pie would actually lead to the end of the world as we know it; because in 2758, the Enchanted Tangerine became so huge he controlled the earth and enslaved the human race!

The End!

September 16, 2005

WTF!? Revolution controller reviled.

Wow, now here's something no one could have expected. Nintendo has really take the word "controller" literally. Seriously! Just check out the picture. Also, there is an add on for the controller that allows you to use an analogue stick in your left hand. The controller also has a motion sensor that lets you control the game just by swinging it around. More pics and info at


November 22, mark your calendars! Oh, and check out for some new footage and new games.

September 10, 2005

Pie and Cake

Let's talk about something everyone can relate to: pie and cake.

Let me first say that Pie is awesome! I love pie! Some of my favorite kinds are: apple, blueberry, pumpkin, banana cream, lemon drop, French silk, and tangerine! Actually, tangerine pie doesn't exist, but my friend came up with it and it was funny. Also, pie is funny. For some reason, when people want to be stupid they just scream out "PIE!" I've never understood why, even though I do this. Second, people are always getting hit in the face with pie. People find this funny for some reason. Maybe because clowns do it. Clowns aren't funny though, they're sad.

Moving on, I'll talk about cake. I HATE CAKE!!!! The only cake I eat is ice cream cake. I also love cheese cake, but that's not real cake. Cheese cake is like a big round lump of flavored cream cheese (I love cheese!). Probably my favorite kind of cheese cake is the 25th anniversary Godiva cheese cake. It's got five layers of different chocolate! Mmmm... so good!

September 9, 2005

Howdy do!

First, I'd like to give a howdy-do to all of you! Next, I'd like to talk about cheese. Cheese is one of the world's greatest substances. Created in 1814 by Sir. Daniel Mc Cheese, it has grown in popularity significantly since then.

One of the best things about cheese is how many colors it comes in. There's white, off-white, yellow, pale yellow, white-yellow, blue, white, and yellow. It also comes in a variety of flavors and scents such as cheddar, white cheddar, sharp cheddar, semi-sharp cheddar, and nacho.

That brings me to my next point: liquid cheese. In 1346, after the invention of cheese, King George Forman XVIIXVI2 was the first to liquefy cheese. He used a method called "Quantractic Yorononomy". This separated the cheese from the liquid and then re-combined them to form liquid cheese. Ever since, people have been eating in on nachos.

Then there's spray cheese. Spray cheese is created when you put liquid cheese in a "sprayer thinger". In the 1980s, there was a gang called "The Great Pork Malorphers" who graffitied their names all over New York with spray cheese.

Now can you see the wonderousness of cheese!? I hope so, because if I haven't convinced you to love cheese, I hope I at least gave you a laugh.

Next Gen Sonic!

Wow. No specific information was given about this game other than it will be released next year for Sonic's 15th birthday. But, wow, do these screens look incredible!

Here's a teaser:

Full (high rez) screens here:

Monkeyball DS!

Monkeyball fans rejoice! A duel screened version of the game is on the way! It will be controlled using the touch screen and will offer over 100 levels, multiplayer for up to four, and a bunch of new minigames! It will be released December 30 in Japan. No U.S. release was given.

Screens here:

September 6, 2005

Fight the Flood!

Bungie wants you to "Fight the Flood"! Help the victims of Hurricane Katrina by buying your very own "Fight the Flood" T-shirt for only $20.00! The money goes to the Red Cross, and you get a nifty shirt in the process!

What are you waiting for? Buy a shirt now!