April 17, 2016

The Platinum Demo has me worried about FFXV

About a year ago, Square-Enix released the first public demo of Final Fantasy 15 packaged along with Final Fantasy Typo HD. I bought Typo just so I could play it, and it was worth every penny. Episode Duscae, as it was called, was a demo in the classic sense. It excised a chunk of the main game that showed off nearly all of the systems coming to the final release. It was glorious. Perfect! Everything I'd hoped Final Fantasy XV would be after ten years of waiting. It raised my hype through the roof and left me chomping at the bit for more. 

The new Platinum Demo achieved none of those things. In fact, it might have undone them. Whereas Episode Duscae confirmed to me that Final Fantasy XV was going to be the amazing game I hoped it would be, the Platinum Demo has cast doubt on my eager anticipation. There's a few problems with it, starting with the fact that they'd make this objectively inferior taste of Final Fantasy XV the only taste available to the general public. 

April 14, 2016

Introducing Battle of Fate: Heroes of Championia

From the makers of makers of Puzzle Matcher Adventure and the publisher of Groovin' Hooves: Funky Bovine 2 comes a brand new competitive experience like any other: 

Battle of Fate Heroes of Championia

Battle of Fate is an exciting new multiplyer online tactical strategy class-based shooter role-playing competitive arena esports battle simulator, and your new favorite game. Here are just some of the exciting features awaiting you in Battle of Fate:

April 5, 2016

Seven of My Favorite Corny Game Themes

There's a lot of video game music out there, but every so often we get some lyrical themes. Sometimes these are awesome (like in Portal or Metal Gear) but other times they're incredibly cheesy or goofy. Deep down inside, though, we all know that's the best kind. The recently released Xenoblade Chronicles X is like a Mecca for this kind of music, with many of the games songs being so corny they're awesome. That got me thinking of other cheesy game themes, so I've compiled this list with some of my favorites.

Oh, and sorry about the weird formatting. I don't really want to attempt changing it.

The Xbox One Makes Me Want to Give Up on Video Games

I've been trying to express my feelings on the Xbox One for quite some time, and I've gone through maybe three or four different iterations. None of them felt right. My goal was not to sound like a whiny bitch, but you know what? Fuck that. I'm going to be a whiny bitch because that's what the Xbox One deserves. See, the Xbox One is a piece of shit. It's the worst console I've ever owned, and probably the worst ever made. Worse than the 3DO or the Virtual Boy or even the Gizmondo, which I'm pretty sure was a scam. Every time I try to play the Xbox One I'm filled with rage followed by a profound sadness. It's almost like the five stages of grief, where I start out in disbelief that a video game system can be so much of a hassle, then I'm pleading with the forces that be to make the damn thing work how I want it to, then I finally accept that it just sucks and give up. I used to own an Xbox and an Xbox 360. I loved them! I want to love the Xbox One too, but I just can’t.

April 1, 2016

A History of I04's April Fool Lies That Came True

Big-name websites have it rough for April Fools' Day. Sure they can make some silly gags, but it always has to clearly be a joke. On my dinky little blog that nobody reads, though, I can outright lie about things to trick everybody and I'll never get in trouble for it. Over the years, I have passed off many a fraudulent article as the truth. A lot of the time I ended up totally tricking my friends into believing these, which of course lead to disappointment that they weren't real. As it turns out, I guess I'm some sort of psychic because over the years many of my prank posts turned out to eventually be true.