May 15, 2009

A new day is dawning

Not really, but the regular updates are back! Huzzah! To celebrate, here's this:

Zorbo: An Internal Eternal Quest of Fateful Destiny

The Prophesy. It tells of Zorbo. In an ancient nonexistent language, there was a cataclysmic event known as Zorbo in which all of the world's ice pops melt and overflow the world in artificially flavored doom. The event known as Zorbo can only be avoided if the ancient snails are awakened. Only one can awake the ancient snails, and that one is no one. Thus, the world is screwed.

But hope lives on in a voice. The one and only voice. The one and only voice that resonates through eternity. And so begins the quest. The Internal Eternal Quest of Fateful Destiny. For inside one lies many and inside many lies one and inside a few lies a couple more and inside none is one and inside one lies many and inside many lies one and inside a few lies a couple more and inside none is one. And so on and so forth. Finally, in the excavation of eternity the fate of destiny was discovered. Inside, the quest eternally fatefully destenied. But it was not enough.

A young man scooping ice cream. An uneventful and inconspicuous job. That is, until the snails attacked. They were awakened and laid waste upon 32 flavors. But in the process, the ice pops were melted by the snail slime and the world was doomed by its saviors. One question remains: who unleashed the snails? No one, obviously, but who is no one. No one is some one. He is the one who unleashed the snails. And so, the adventure begins:


Smearbob awakened in the monkey cage. His jet pack had failed him again. He sprung up and did karate on them which caused the cage to erode into malted chocolate. "I WILL AVENGE HIM!" Smearbob yelled this while catapulting into space, through the stratosphere and catching on fire. He arrived on the moon charred and full of wistful ideas of bikini models. Doosh-Bah was lying dead in the air. The time was upon the world. Smearbob unleashed his ultimate powers. The moon began to crumble. The nuclear fish house shrunk to enormous proportions. The headless raisin grew a head. Time was crumpled back to when it was simply ti and God shed a tear that fell from the heavens onto the universe and ripped a death hole in it through which all of existence was consumed. Then, Doosh-Bah awoke. It was soup time. He skipped through the meadows to the soup kitchen/log cabin/pig racer and achieved his food stanps. But something didn't seem right. His food stanps were speaking German. They only did that when he was the dead. "Oh noes," Doosh-Bah exclaimed, "I am the dead!" But God's tear splashed before him and all went black. He was taken back to a simpler time. A time when everything was in black and white and everyone sounded like old time radio announcers. Even the women. On this magical street in the year 334455, there was a great march of snails. Doosh-Bah recognized them. They were the snails that melted the popsicles in his second life as an ice cream operator in Philly. He screeched a wild monkey call and suddenly the grass blades transformed into crab cakes, the sky turned orange, and baboons self destructed. Having realized it was the wrong screech, Doosh-Bah screeched again. This time, the sky turned orange, grass blades turned into crab cakes, and baboons self destructed. Perfect. The plan was all at hand. Smearbob and Doosh-Bah fused the dimensions into one perfectly spherical plane ticket as they went on safari. Finally, no one appeared. Smearbob quickly unsheathed his mighty duck blade and Doosh-Bah cocked his emu. It was battle ready time. The heavens clashed. No one launched chicken-mowers, but teh two dodged with the skill of circus clowns. Doosh-Bah fried the pork loaf with his mighty emu and Smearbob flipped the flapjacks with his duck blade. It was nearly too much for no one to handle. Yet, he survived thanks to the strength of his q-tips. Thunder crashed the lightning as if poodles were being launched from cannons. Finally, the battle ended for no apparent reason when no one had to leave early for a dental party.

Doosh-Bah awoke in the hospital with a broken everything. He wondered if it was all a dream. He glanced outside. It was raining snails. All was right. Doosh-Bah went back to sleep dreaming dreams of a better yesterday. Tomorrow certainly was.

Confused? Well, that's to be expected. But if you aren't familiar with the characters, you might want to read the original Smearbob and Doosh-Bah and the sequel. You can even check out the Christmas special if you want!

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